dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
