I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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