I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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