eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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