i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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