Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
