I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
