OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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