Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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