so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.