sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out