just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
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Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
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begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?