My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it