Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.