I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel