I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.