you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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