The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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