Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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