Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
vagina is talking i cant
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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