It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
