for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
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I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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