need another drink. this is the easiest way
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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