you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
