She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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