someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
