Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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