If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
