You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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