i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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