Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
