went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The police scanner is talking about you again....
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You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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