He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
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We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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