apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
