my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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