I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
