trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
