It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
vagina is talking i cant
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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