So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
