I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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