my sisters under your porch take her home
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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