I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
