no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...