You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
third nipple confirmed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs