I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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