areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"