woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.