Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
