She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
