the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my sisters under your porch take her home
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
