you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
