Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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