Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
