She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
