I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
