Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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