I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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