saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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