When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
