At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
