He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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