guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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