so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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