I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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