Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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