my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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