I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize