He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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