i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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