Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
