I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im holly from the hills drunk
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The Olympian is in my bed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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