69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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