I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
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Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
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he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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