I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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