just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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