He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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