I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
